What happens when you take one part Presidential politics, one part Batman, and two parts PolitiGal1 imagination and shake vigorously? You get the kind of super kick-ass amalgamation (my humility is legendary by the way)) capable of at once assaulting both sense and reason by offering just enough by way of picture and prose to entertain (and perhaps even inform.)
Bruce Obama/Barackman…..Barack Obama
Hardhead Dent/Two-Face….John McCain
G.W. Joker………………...George W. Bush (the frat-boy evil clown)
His Dick……………………Dick Cheney
Krusty Karl………………...Karl Rove (Turd-Blossom)
Poison Ivy………………….Katherine Harris (Cruella)
When Hardhead Dent decided to run for president in 2000, he worked hard to shape his message and position himself as a reformer willing to thumb his nose at the politicians and K-street corporate shills in order to fundamentally change the way things got done in that alter-reality of Washington politics.
Independent voters to the right of center (most of the left knew better) rejoiced at the idea of having a maverick bull in the partisan china shop at the heart of
Meanwhile, Dent’s opponent, G.W. Joker and his crew of amoral thugs were busy plotting what would be the greatest heist in American history—stealing the White House. Theirs was a diabolical two phase plan, with absolutely no unethical holds barred (much like the eight years to follow). Phase one: eliminate Dent, then Phase two: render the voices of the American voters mute and meaningless as they seize illegitimate power.
At first they were pretty confident, but the crew was shocked by the massive ass-whuppin’ Hardhead Dent put on G.W. Joker in
Willing to overlook Hardhead’s long history of ill-tempered behavior, moral failings, and the political malfeasances emblematic of his life and career, Hardhead Dent’s followers charted a course to what they were sure would be glorious victory in the 2000 presidential race.
Stunned, but not dissuaded by the unexpectedly lopsided loss and the growing numbers of those willing to believe in Hardhead Dent's vision, G.W. Joker and his crew shifted their plans to brutally and publicly disfigure Dent’s character into high gear. Employing the kind Machiavellian tactics that could only dreamt up by the super-evil Krusty Karl, G.W. Joker and his thugs set about demolishing Dent in the upcoming primary battleground of
It was ugly…It was appalling… And it has become the stuff of legend. By the time it was over, there were many wounded strewn about the bloody post-primary political landscape of
They lied about the daughter he and his wife had adopted from a Bangladeshi orphanage run by Mother Teresa. They turned the truth and nobility of his innocent child’s adoption into a sordid tale of interracial adultery. They used his little girl to engage in an appeal to the racial prejudices that then percolated beneath the surface of the blue collar, working class electorate of
They had called him a traitor—portraying him as a Hanoi Hilton songbird, guilty of conspiring with his Viet Cong captors against his fellow soldiers for nothing more cigarettes and a softer bed. They stole the honor of his years in captivity and fashioned his suffering into a weapon capable of reopening old wounds.
Twitching madly and standing bewildered amidst the carnage, something snapped in Dent. Hardhead the reformer was gone…replaced forever by the newly morally (even more than before that is) disfigured and insane politician who would come to be known as Two-Face. An evil echo of the man he once was, Two-Face had been bitch-slapped so hard that he was now willing to bend over and take it anyway they wanted to give it to him, managing with some difficulty to wince out a spasmodic smile while simultaneously screaming “Harder! Harder! Faster! Faster!” At first it was painful, but soon he would grow to love it.
Phase one complete, G.W. Joker’s crew began phase two of the big heist by employing the evil Poison Ivy to purge 50,000 law abiding (and demographically inclined to vote Democratic) voters from the voter registries in the critical swing-state of
When it became clear that even that wouldn’t be enough, G.W. Joker pulled the Supreme Court card, enlisting his father’s appointees Clarence Thomas and David Souter and 5 other Republican Justices of the Nation's Highest Court to rule against both disenfranchised Florida voters and State’s Rights to steal the Presidency from Al Gore and deliver the it to the dim witted boy/Joker who would be king and his unseemly associates.
Two-Face didn’t disappear though…he learned to play the game their way as he found creative ways to endorse chaos and criminality of team Joker at every turn. Hell-bent on never being on the wrong end of the GOP stick again, Two-Face began flip-flopping like a tazed fish on crack. Rumor is it went a little something like this:
Q: Would you be willing boldly abandon the truth and lie about the need to go to war with a country that had absolutely nothing to do with 9-11 and presented no grave and gathering threat?
A: Absolutely…I mean I know what I said about honesty and straight talk, but that was before I fully bought into your "the truth just gets in the way" approach to getting whatever you want with lies, deception, and trumped up scare tactics. Plus I really dig war.
Q: Support Torture?
Detainees don’t get a vote…do they? (followed by crazy guy cackle, glaring crazy guy eyes, and maniacal crazy guy twitchy smile.)
Q: How do you feel today about those you once labeled “agents of intolerance” like Jery Falwell and John Hagee?
And so America itself today staring simultaneously at the
horrific carnage left in the wake of the past eight years of G.W. Joker and the possibility that a new, potentially more dangerous, madman might take over: that cranky old bastard Two-Face.
Right wing extremists see in Two-Face their shot at new (and profitable) wars, more environmental irresponsibility, the continued destruction of the middle class, and more government by corporate coup d’état.
But fear not
So people, do your part to light the Barack signal this November by voting Obama in ‘08 (and when you do make sure you don’t leave any chads hanging!)
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