Tim Russert 1950-2008

Tim Russert collapsed and died today at the NBC studio while working on voice-overs for a Meet The Press show shot earlier this morning. The world of politics and those of us who count ourselves as political junkies and devotees are shocked by his unexpected death.

My heart goes out to his family, his wife Maureen, and especially his son Luke, who just graduated from Boston College. Tim Russert had just returned from a European vacation celebrating Luke's graduation.

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Creepy Johnny

Dear Johnny,

You've changed. We used to think you were kinda sweet, in a crazy old grandpa way, but something's changed, and your just not the same guy we thought you were. We used to think you were one of the good guys. That smell of Old Spice used to put a comfortable smile on our faces, but ever since we caught you sniffing our dirty panties...well...the smell of Old Spice makes us wretch. It's not the smell of a kind grandpa anymore, it's the stink of an old whackjob! So we've been doing some thinking.


You say you want what's best for us, and and we used to believe you, but your doing things now that really, really scare us and creep us out. Remember when the building super, George, got drunk, kicked in the Susie's apartment door over in building #2, and dry humped her leg? Remember how you screamed at him, and told him he was a disgusting, power abusing pile o' crap, and that you'd kick his ass if he ever pulled anything like that again? That's the sweet sweet Johnny that was the kind of crazy we thought we could trust. That Johnny's gone--nowhere to be found. Where'd he go?

Ever since you found out George's contract was ending (the owners didn't have the balls to fire him) we've seen you hanging out with him and his friends. We know you've applied for his job, and we heard you telling him how friggin' awesome it was the way he dry humped Susie's leg. Susie's scared that there's nothing you won't do to get the job. What's your damage Johnny?! Three quarters of the owners can't stand the site of George or his friends, so for you to be hanging out with him and his gang of moral degenerates in hopes of getting the job...well...all we can say is that it looks like you've really lost it.

I mean, yesterday I heard you yelling at little Ahmed Shia, telling him to stop bouncing his ball in the hall and to go back upstairs to his family's apartment so they could deal with him. Johnny... the Sunnis live Upstairs, and the Shias live DOWNSTAIRS. Always have. Have you stopped taking your meds? Or are you just making this shit up as you go along?

Whatever the deal is, your not the guy we thought you were, and you really scare us. George was a power drunk moron who let that Dick of a friend of his talk him into doing some really crazy cacca, so when he did what he did it pissed us off, but we knew he was gone when his contract ended, and were sure no one would be crazy enough to try and pull more of the same crap again. Boy, does it ever look like we were wrong.

You're doing what your doing stone cold sober, and we'd never put you in the same sub-human IQ group as that Chimp George, so we're left to wonder if you might be even more dangerous than that nutcase and his friends were. Susie says she overheard you plotting with some of George's friends to break into the next apartment building and dry hump some more legs while your at it . Please tell us it's not true, because that's some really twisted shit. I mean the whole neighborhood knows what George did and the whole building's got this really horrible reputation already, so if you do what it looks like your going to do, everyone will really hate our building.

You were amusing for a while Johnny, but it's over, and we've got our future and the job of repairing our building's reputation in the neighborhood to think about, so we're writing this letter to let you know that all of us and a bunch more of our friends are going to do all we can to keep you from getting the job.

We've found our own guy to run things around here, and once we get him on the job things are going to change for the better. He'll run the rats out of the building, patch the holes George left in the walls and in our reputation, and make the whole neighborhood safe for us and the kids who want a brighter future than you could ever offer.

Sincerely,
The PolitiGals of Hope Lane,
Building #1, Apartment 21

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Terminated

It wasn't a pleasant scene in the underground Team Clinton Bat(shit)-Cave in Arlington, Va Wednesday as Hillary's Lieutenants tried to convince her that it was time to accept the inevitable. Politico.com described the scene in the following way:

She huddled at her Arlington, Va., headquarters Wednesday with top advisers, discussing her diminished options and leaving supporters free to mount a campaign on her behalf for the vice presidential nod. Even close supporters were unsure what she was waiting for, beyond a chance to clear her head, and all assumed she would be leaving the race within days.

A staffer apparently broke the news to Hillary that Barack was being universally hailed as the Presumptive Nominee, and then all hell broke loose. Hillary totally lost it. A staffer shot the following cell vid of the meeting just before her 4pm conference call with donors and supporters. Tell the kids to leave the room for this one, it's so ugly that its in German with subtitles!



Still bent on a course of Mutually Assured Destruction (MAD), it took a 5pm conference call from Charlie Wrangle and a team of 22 skilled negotiators to talk her down from the ledge she had pushed herself and the Party onto, but in the end Hillary decided that she wasn't suicidal after all (still strong homicidal tendencies though). So it's officially over now, and Hillary "The Terminator" Clinton has been successfully reprogrammed to help protect the future of mankind (Barack "Connor" Obama) against the soulless assault of the GOP attack machines.


With Hillary's status resolved, the newly tasked Clinton and now Nominee Obama met for about an hour last night at Sen. Dianne Feinstein's house to begin the healing in a follow-up to a brief conversation the two had back-stage at the AIPAC conference earlier this week. As she left the meeting, Hillary was overheard saying "I'll be Back..."

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Whewww!

So Hillary didn't drop out, big whoop. The night was still incredible, and in some ways even better than expected.

For starters, did anyone else catch that train wreck of a speech by John McCain? It was so bad it was good (in a campy Evil Dead II way). There wasn't an ounce of intentional funny in the whole thing.

First there was lime-green McCain 2008 backdrop (oohh...green...pretty subtle huh?). Green is definitely not Johnny's color. Somehow it did something I thought was impossible: It made him appear even more anachronistic (he can barely even pronounce Prius) and even more corpse-like (Casper).

I understand that politics is theater, but for chrissake at least get your colors done before committing to such a catastrophically bold choice (Better choice IMHO-- Peach Sorbet -it would have really made his summer complexion sing). And if you are trying to pull off the hip, I'm with "it" and I get "it" vibe, for the love of god don't truck in the residents of the nearest retirement home to fill your audience.

Then there was the hack material his speech writers came up with, and the cartoonishly stiff delivery (very nice touch). Team McLame stole Obama's "Change we can believe in" meme and Johnny went all grumpy-old man on us with by mixing it in as "that's not change we can believe in" between the anti-Obama talking points.

The really painful (or strangely delightful) thing about it all was the way he paused and painfully managed a grimace-smile at the end of each repetition of his purloined one-liner. Honestly, he looked like a Vegas comedian waiting for a rim-shot, a laugh, or a heckler. But there was none of that, just the half-hearted cheers of his bingo-crowd audience. It was horrible...horrible for John McCain that is (and the rest of his McCainiacs).

For the rest of us, it was an unexpected bonus to kick off what would be a spectacular night for Obama. McSame's unintentional party favor more than compensated for the fact that Hillary didn't concede (she's still trying to run her veep game on Obama).

Team Obama couldn't have choreographed a more perfect "compare-and-contrast" pair of speeches. Obama's speech was a soaring piece of rhetorical majesty befitting the beginning of a fully post Vietnam era in Presidential politics (I honestly got goosebumps) and John McCain's speech was as flatline as the rest of the GOP, befittingly signaling the end of an Epoch in American politics.

This is the beginning of something great people. What we are witnessing here is the birth of a new, dynamic, transformative, and inclusive "Yes we can!" era in American history. Breath deep- savor the moment. This is a tale you'll one day tell your wide-eyed grandkids.

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Could it...(Gasp)...Be?

Is Hillary "Chuckie" Clinton on the verge of being fully and finally dispatched? Has the larger reality finally impressed itself upon the alter-reality of the Clintonverse? For once I am actually holding my breath.

Today rumors are swirling surrounding what the future holds for the Clinton Campaign after the last of the primaries are held tomorrow. Tomorrow will probably see Barack Obama gather the 49 combined pledged/super delegates he needs to secure the nomination.

Rumored staff cuts and a statement by Bill Clinton today that 'This May Be the Last Day I'm Ever Involved in a Campaign of This Kind' have many of us crossing our collective fingers.

The air is pregnant with expectation as it appears more and more likely that the speech Hillary plans to give tomorrow night will be her last as a candidate in this year's Democratic presidential primary season.

If I start to turn blue, don't do anything until I've either passed out or begun my happy dance tomorrow night. Until then, I'll be OK-- I'm just waiting to exhale.

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